Just looking at the house in the picture about gives me what I call, "The feeling." Words will never be able to describe "the feeling" I had as soon as I saw my attacker coming into my window. The second I saw him it was like all the oxygen inside my body was immediately sucked out. My mouth was so dry I couldn't scream. My heart was pounding in a way I had never felt before. I tried so hard to scream, but it was like my vocal cords were sucked out with the oxygen, I couldn't. I remember putting my hands up saying, "Please no. Please no." Then BAM. It was fight time. I couldn't believe how fast my brain was coming up with thoughts. I couldn't believe a full grown man was hitting me. I felt alone. I felt terrified. Remember that feeling you'd get in the grocery store as a little kid not being able to find your mom? Times that feeling by a billion and that's how I felt. I wanted to be found. I wanted safety. My oxygen wasn't the only thing taken away. My innocence, privacy, independence, courage, and whatever bravery I thought I had were too. Instantly. Fear doesn't do "the feeling" justice. Nothing does really.
"The feeling" still haunts me. It haunts me every time I take a shower. It haunts me as soon as the sun goes down, with every unexpected noise, anytime I am alone, whenever his name is spoken, whenever I see my scars, whenever I step foot in my bedroom, etc.
My intention of bringing up all of this sappy stuff isn't for anything other than to let you know, though at times I am strong, my fight continues and sometimes days, weeks, months still just flat out suck.
LUCKILY, good days come where I am reminded of "My Why." I never ever want anyone, especially any other girl, to feel, "the feeling" alone. There will be times in our lives we can't avoid fights. Some fights can come as consequences to our choices, but others, can come because of consequences from other's choices. No matter where your fight came from, please know you are not alone. I promise there are heavenly and earthly angels ready to help you. If you have or are feeling, "the feeling" Fight Like Girls is here to help. As our fights may be different, a punch is a punch. Keep fighting. Keep throwing your punches & let us step in and throw some too.
Be proud of progress.
"Life by the yard is hard. Life by the inch is a cinch." - Thomas S. Monson