Another late night breakdown to dad. Nighttime is far from my favorite time of day. In fact, I hate it. Tonight was one of those nights where I couldn't be "strong" for another second. My dad is currently a Bishop for our church. He spends a lot of his time helping young single adults like myself get to know our Savior, Jesus Christ. It was almost midnight and my dad was still gone. I was sitting on the couch looking through my camera roll at all the pictures of my life "pre-attack." I started to feel bad for myself. I missed my independence. I missed my business. I missed my innocence. I'm sure you all know what it's like. You start out by feeling bad for yourself then within minutes you're in tears and still going down the "downward spiral." Luckily, before I reached the bottom of my "downward spiral" my dad walked in.
After being married for 30 years and raising 4 girls, he is used to weird emotions and random breakdowns. He knew I was on the verge of a breakdown, so he asked me what was wrong. Well, he caught me right when I was getting to the "mad" spot in my downward spiral. I angrily told him; "I'm sick of all of this crap, I want my life back."
He sat down and said life was like a flower. In order for it to grow it needs rain, sun, and soil. Then he asked me what made good soil. In my whinny "poor me" mood, I said I didn't know. He said, "Manure. Manure makes good soil. What is manure? Manure is bull crap. Without fertilizer, a flower wont grow as much as it could with fertilizer."
He continued, "To make life good, you need a little bit of crap in order to grow." This conversation not only reminded me my dad grew up on a farm and even though he has been surrounded by 5 girls for the majority of his life, he still thinks and talks like a boy ;) , but also there will always be darkness, rain, wind, but the sun always comes.
Nighttime is the hardest time of my day, but I know if I keep doing whatever I can to get through the night, morning always comes.
Life isn't always pleasant, but neither is planting flowers.